From one of Canada’s leading (sic) lights on the right comes this anti-government gem: “If the Liberals were running Canadian Tire, you’d face waiting lists for oil changes and muffler replacement. Forget about getting anyone on the phone, or receiving replies in a timely manner.”

It would be funnier if I hadn’t actually tried to get someone on the phone at Canadian Tire a few weeks ago and been shuttled into endless musical hold. Eventually I gave up.

Ditto The Bay a few months ago. And Birks, who appear to be waiting to see if a locket can actually engrave itself.

Fact is, business is easily just as capable of providing crap service and suck-the-will-to-live-right-out-of-you waiting as government.

Outgoing IWA president Dave Haggard may be gone — to a new life as a former-New-Democrat-turned-defeated-Liberal-candidate — but he’s not forgotten.

That’s because he very kindly left his members a present: a mediated settlement in November’s forestry strike.

It’s, er, not going to be very popular. (New IWA contract ‘pretty disappointing,’ says union)

But it could have been worse. It could have been one of those contracts the IWA negotiated after raiding HEU locals in privatized workplaces, where a housekeeper’s wage was dropped from $18.32 an hour to $9.50.

No doubt they’ll remember Mr. Haggard just as fondly.

You may have noticed a series of really, really big newspaper ads lately from the really, really right-wing lobby group Focus on the Family.

They’re opposing same-sex marriage. But they aren’t dumb about it. This ad smacks of a lot of careful focus testing. The language is tweaked to avoid the kind of overt homophobia that they save for their lobbying efforts and — here’s the rub — membership fundraisers.

Like the newsletter where they talk about a homosexual “master plan”. Or briefing papers linking same-sex parenting to increased risk of abuse. The red meat gets sent to the donors; the public gets the pablum.

Toronto’s NOW Magazine (no relation to my fine friends and employers at NOW Communications) has deconstructed the ad very nicely.

You never know when somebody on the other side of the spectrum (waaaaaay on the other side) might take notice. (Scroll down to “Canada Votes, Day 3″.)

Sure, I disagree with him on the issues. But jimminy, the guy’s written for a U.S. president. So he’s gotta know something about speechwriting, no?

If you’re the kind of person who’d like to maintain a healthy skepticism about the news media without crossing the border into they’re-taking-their-orders- directly-from-a-cabal- of-alien-overlords territory, good news.

The New York Times has come out with an extraordinary
assessment of its coverage during the run-up to the war in Iraq, and finds itself wanting:

“Editors at several levels who should have been challenging reporters and pressing for more skepticism were perhaps too intent on rushing scoops into the paper. Accounts of Iraqi defectors were not always weighed against their strong desire to have Saddam Hussein ousted. Articles based on dire claims about Iraq tended to get prominent display, while follow-up articles that called the original ones into question were sometimes buried. In some cases, there was no follow-up at all.”

A lot of the language in this self-critique is qualified and tentative: new information might well have belonged on A1; claims should have been presented more cautiously; it looks as if the Times was duped. Would that the language in the original stories had been just as nuanced.

Still, the article is extraordinary coming from a profession that often seems to enjoy scrutinizing politicians far more closely than it would be willing to tolerate itself. And the piece serves as a useful toolbox for anyone who thinks that news coverage, well-intentioned or not, deserves a hard second look.

Ever wondered what happens when you get three speechwriters from three different parties in a room together? (Pretend for a moment that the answer is “Gosh, yes.”)

CBC Radio’s smashing morning show The Current did just that today, with yours truly holding up the NDP end.

I liked the other two folks. We were all a little guarded in our responses to some of Anna Maria’s questions; answering “What’s the best line you’ve ever written?” raises certain professional issues, after all. (Esprit d’escalier: My favourite line should have been “It’s a pleasure to be with you today.” I could have claimed ownership of that sucker and demanded royalties.)

Hear for yourself what transpired here.

I just had a flash-flood of memories with the news that Paul Sutherland, the voice and creator behind Hammy Hamster, passed away earlier this month.

I watched that show religiously as a kid. (It was probably all for the best that I never did the math comparing the lifespans of a hamster and guinea pig to the number of years the show had been running.) An entire generation of Canadian kids probably ended up with a soft spot in their hearts for the whole rodent world thanks to Hammy, G.P. and crew.

The whole thing was shot for, well, hamster feed. Some folks remember it and cringe.

But it was innocent and affecting, and I’ll always remember it fondly — especially the way each episode ended with “But that’s another story,” promising more adventures to follow. Thanks, Mr. Sutherland.

Edmonton — A visibly shaken Premier Ralph Klein refused to comment today after University of Alberta history professor Lotta Nurv revealed the government’s entire legislative agenda had been plagiarized.

“Basically, they just lifted the whole thing word for word from various historical sources,” she said. “A lot of their social policy was cribbed from Vlad the Impaler, for example, and I’ve been able to trace some of their welfare policies back to just after the invention of cuneiform writing.”

The last three provincial budgets are identical, word for word, to the annual spending decrees of Louis XVI. Scrolls attributed to Genghis Khan are believed to be the source for the province’s human rights legislation. And the province’s environmental regulations were drawn largely from the writings of a little-known Viking named Rancid Erik the Despoiler.