I’ve never actually physically grabbed a speaker. But I’ve been tempted.
Not because I disagreed with them and wanted them off the stage. The exact opposite, actually: I wanted to keep them from leaving, at least for a few more seconds.
Those moments come at the end of a speech that’s gone over well. The speaker wraps up and says “Thank you.” And just as the audience begins applauding, the speaker grabs their notes, turns and walks away.
That’s when I have to restrain myself from running onstage, grabbing them and propelling them back to the front of the stage to accept the damn applause.
Why are some speakers so eager to flee?
In some cases, it’s because they’re nervous about speaking, and they want to get off-stage the moment they can.
Other speakers aren’t 100% convinced they have the right to take up the audience’s time. Consciously or otherwise, they believe their presence on stage is being tolerated, not welcomed. They, too, want to get out of Dodge.
And even for speakers who are confident both in their abilities and in the audience’s appetite for what they have to say, being applauded can feel awkward. (Ask anyone who has trouble accepting a compliment!)
That urge to flee the stage is part of something larger: the way we’re taught not to call attention to ourselves. A lot of us have been told all our lives that it’s wrong to seek the spotlight.
So it can feel at least as wrong to stay there for any longer than absolutely necessary. And our society sends that message more forcefully to some groups of people — like racialized and Indigenous people, women and people with disabilities — than others.
Oh, won’t you stay-ay-ay, just a little bit longer?
I’m begging you: stay up there for at least a few more seconds. And if you can’t bring yourself to do it for your own sake, do it for the audience’s.
Applause is a communal act, and those first few moments after the end of a speech or a performance are critical to how it unfolds. That’s our window as audience members to give each other some social validation.
You’ve probably seen that in action as an audience member yourself. Yes, some performances get immediate thunderous applause as people leap to their feet cheering the moment the curtain comes down.
But more often, applause builds as we all come to an unspoken consensus that yeah, that was really great. Give your audience that chance.
And for that matter, consider it a fair trade. They’ve just spent the last 15, 20 or 30 minutes getting communicated at by you. Give them a chance to communicate back to you.
So when do you leave?
Over time, you’ll develop an instinct for sensing when the applause is reaching a plateau. For now, though, take four or five seconds after you wrap (“Thank you” is speechese for “The speech is now over.”)
That’s enough time to get a sense of the audience’s initial reaction. And even if that reaction is tepid, you at least have time to nod and smile an acknowledgement, then leave.
But if it’s enthusiastic, linger a little. And if it seems to be building, let yourself show you’re moved by their response. You can wave, say “Thank you” again and generally express your appreciation for theirs.
You are now free to move about the cabin
Now you can leave… if you want. (If your gut tells you there’s an ovation coming, and especially if you see people getting to their feet applauding, then stick around.)
And when you leave, do it confidently. If you have papers, gather them and then stride off-stage. Feel free to give the audience a wave and smile if the vibe is right.
By the way: find out in advance how they’d like you to leave. Sometimes it’s a straightforward handoff: You leave, the emcee or host heads up to the stage to take the mic, and the two of you greet each other and shake hands or bump elbows in passing.
Sometimes the host will be with you on the stage as you’re speaking, in which case you can let them drive the timing. (As someone who’s had his share of challenges interpreting social cues, I really appreciate this latter approach.) They may well want to say a few words of thanks to you in front of the audience and present you with a token of their appreciation. (Hope you like pen sets!) Thank them, wave to the audience and stride off, head held high.
The first several times you make yourself stay onstage for those extra few seconds may feel awkward, even a little scary. I urge you to push through that. Because once you do, I hope you’ll see it as the chance to have one last moment of connection with your audience, and an especially rewarding one.
This is their moment to tell you that yes, you reached them, and yes, you made a difference. And that’s what this is all about.
Thank you. …Thanks so much. Really, thank you. Aw, this means so much. Than—… thank you. Oh, my gosh, this is overwhelming. Thank you so very, very much. And good night.
Photo by Andrew Teoh on Unsplash
