I don’t know what I did to trigger this. I’m wearing my hair just a touch shorter; I’ve been flossing a little more vigorously; I have a new pair of pants that flatters me in exactly the right places.
Whatever has changed, I have apparently become the sexual focal point of hundreds, if not thousands, of frustrated housewives.
My e-mail inbox is flooded with invitations and thinly-veiled come-ons. “My idiot husband is out of town and I’m a little lonely,” coos one. Several others include their names, measurements and enticingly short distances from my home. And many actually say “Cheating housewives” in the subject line.
All of this is happening just as the federal government’s bill on same-sex marriage hits the floor of the House of Commons. Which raises an interesting opportunity, which I’ll pose as an open invitation to those opposing the legislation:
Each of these would-be cheating housewives represents a traditional marriage that’s clearly in a very vulnerable state right now. A favourable response from me would probably send them all to divorce court. So how ’bouts you drop your opposition to equality legislation, and I’ll drop all these e-mails in my trashcan?
(As an added bonus, I’ll do whatever I can to attenuate this apparent new sexual mojo I’m radiating.)
Marriages saved. Human rights defended. And we can all go home happy. Deal?
