Pity. I had not one, but two tapes of a conversation leaked to me, each from a separate source, purporting to involve a federal Liberal MP and a Conservative MP who will just have to remain nameless. A transcript:

So. What brings you here today?

I don’t know. You invited me.

I thought it was your idea.

Perhaps we’ll just agree to disagree on that.

Would you mind speaking up? I, ah, have an ear infection. Loudly and clearly would be dandy.

Not at all. Could you lean forward just a little? I’m picking up some static… um, from my caucus.

So. You’re here to offer a bribe in return for my vote. Right?

Actually, you’re here to demand a bribe in return for your vote.

Perhaps we can agree to disagree.

Sure thing. And I think we can agree, for the record…

…Not that there’s any kind of record of this conversation…

…I think we can agree that bribes in return for votes would be very, very wrong.

Hugely wrong.

Wrongy-wrongerton.

Especially Senate seats.

(long pause)

Yes, a Senate seat would be particularly wrong. Especially if it was in return for — and I’m speaking purely hypothetically…

Of course.

…an abstention next Tuesday at 3:48 p.m.

Hypothetically, next Tuesday… three… forty… hell, my Palm’s low on batteries.

Here, use mine.

…Are you giving me this Palm as a bribe, inducement or incentive?

No, and I am shocked you’d think I was.

I’m appalled that you’re shocked.

It’s more like a loaner. A very long-term loaner.

…Okay.

So just to be clear, you’re accepting this Palm?

No! No I’m not! Take the goddamn thing back!

So, about this bribe you’re demanding…

You mean the one you’re offering…

Whatever. Are you or are you not… sorry, that’s my phone. Hello. …What? …Oh, crap.

What is it?

We just missed the vote.