The phone rang a minute or two ago. It was Stephen Rogers, the Conservative candidate in our riding. But something was wrong… something serious. As he launched into his spiel, I tried to interrupt him — several times — yet he was completely unresponsive. Instead, he continued on in a flat, emotionless tone, as though reading from a script.

I reached for my cell phone so I could call 911 and report “Stephen Rogers is being held at knifepoint and forced to recite inanities into the telephone to randomly-chosen voters!” But then his voice ended and an operator came on to tell me that I was now to press 1 if I was planning to vote for Stephen Rogers, 2 if I was undecided, 3 if I was planning on voting for another candidate, 4 if I wasn’t planning to vote at all, and 5 if I was planning to marry another man while simultaneously mooning an effigy of George Bush and opening an abortion clinic.

In short, we hadn’t spoken to a single human being. We’d been spammed by a frickin’ robot.
Now, a candidate who speaks entirely in preprogrammed, preapproved recordings is probably Stephen Harper’s fondest dream, especially on a day like today. But if this is the kind of personal touch we can expect from Stephen Rogers, MP — government by telemarketing — then it sure isn’t mine.

I’m a fan of technologies that turn PR and politics into conversations. This one reverses the trend. I hope it flops horribly; I’m afraid it probably won’t.