If you’re planning to join a sorority (and there are so many damn good reasons not to, but that’s another post)… if your daughter is thinking of joining a sorority… if any young woman you know is thinking of joining a sorority, and that sorority is Delta Zeta… then please ask them to read this NY Times story first:
Worried that a negative stereotype of the sorority was contributing to a decline in membership that had left its Greek-columned house here half empty, Delta Zeta’s national officers interviewed 35 DePauw members in November, quizzing them about their dedication to recruitment. They judged 23 of the women insufficiently committed and later told them to vacate the sorority house.
The 23 members included every woman who was overweight. They also included the only Korean and Vietnamese members. The dozen students allowed to stay were slender and popular with fraternity men – conventionally pretty women the sorority hoped could attract new recruits. Six of the 12 were so infuriated they quit.
Over at the Delta Zeta news page, the sorority claims it’s all a misunderstanding that’s been blown out of proportion by the media, an “unfortunate distraction to the University’s educational mission.” The eviction (sorry, membership review) was driven solely by an unspecified measure of members’ commitment; the only thing Delta Zeta did wrong, they say, was to fail to anticipate that people would be so upset.
Their page leaves the definite impression that this problem’s all in the media’s collective mind. But the university administration’s web page on the Delta Zeta sorority makes it clear that DePauw’s leadership doesn’t see it that way:
DePauw University is home to the Delta chapter of Delta Zeta but we are not responsible for, nor do we condone, the manner in which the national officers of Delta Zeta carried out their membership review and the subsequent treatment of their members. DePauw University disagrees with Delta Zeta’s actions and their characterization of what has occurred on campus. (emphasis mine)
It is outside our previous experience that a national organization would take actions that so negatively impact our students. Delta Zeta’s timing of its membership review, its mixed messages to their members, and its unwillingness to address our community’s concerns are markedly different from the standard of behavior that we expect from University partners.
Delta Zeta’s news page makes multiple mentions of its invitations to DePauw University’s president to meet to find common ground. Turns out that spirit of goodwill and cooperation is of suspiciously recent vintage:
In early December when the Delta Zeta national office sent letters to our students informing them of their status, University staff immediately responded to support them and to secure their housing for the second semester. At that time we also requested that a national Delta Zeta representative come to campus to address our concerns. Cindy Menges, the Executive Director of Delta Zeta Sorority, declined our invitation to come to campus until February 8.
The sorority has now announced it will no longer talk to the media – rarely a winning communications strategy, and never a sign that you’re confident you’re on the side of goodness and light. And they make the stunningly self-serving suggestion that DePauw follow suit, “to protect the DePauw University student body”.
Then again, when you manage to give eviction a euphemism like “promotion to alumnae status”, acts of profound gall probably come naturally – such as attacking the targets of that eviction:
The girls asked to take alumni status have dragged this event into a year-long “travesty” to be viewed as the victims of a horrendous act.
Compare that to the “apology” posted prominently on their site – “Delta Zeta National apologizes to any of our women at DePauw who felt personally hurt by our actions. It was never our intention to disparage or hurt any of our members during this chapter reorganization process.” – and the organization looks more than a little two-faced.
Women join sororities for many reasons, and one of them they hope to find a sense of community and mutual support during one of the biggest transitions of their lives. If they think they’ll find it in the head office of Delta Zeta, they might want to think again.
And for communicators hoping to learn from this, a few quick lessons:
- Ending communications on an issue is a poor way to carry the day. Making a big announcement about it is even worse.
- If you’re going to apologize, be sincere. Make it clear what you’re apologizing for, and to whom. Say what you did wrong, and what you’ll do differently in the future. And then stick to it.
- If the evidence says on the face of it that you’ve done something terrible, either back down and admit your guilt (see apologizing, above) or confront the evidence and how it’s been interpreted. Don’t think you can get away with stonewalling on the most compelling part of the story.
- If you must defend the indefensible,
- don’t get defensive about it – it’s unbecoming; and
- ask yourself why you’re defending it.
This article is so ridiculous. Unless you have actually been involved in the sorority chapter at Depauw (which I doubt that you have), any claims of discrimination are certainly not credible. To believe what the media has said is almost comical. News outlets look for the juciest story, not neccesarily the most trustworthy, and so one can never truly comprehend the scope of any story unless that person has personally been involved. Furthermore, you have no right to advise people about a sorority matter that does not concern you. I am actually a part of DZ and I can honestly say (because I have friends that go to Depauw) that the entire story was simply someone’s attempt for fame. This is preposterous. With all of the genocides and wars going on in the world, I cannot believe that CNN or any other credible news source would choose to discuss the perils of sorority girls. Please, get a life.
Thanks for commenting, Elle. But I can’t help noticing your post consists purely of what I call “shut-ups”: ways of trying to muzzle people saying something you don’t want to hear, without ever addressing the substance of the issue.
Most of them are directed at me, but one — “someone’s attempt for fame” — is addressed at the victims in this case. (Nice. Beyond “some friends told me”, do you have any evidence to back that up?)
There’s the classic “you’re not close enough to this to advance an opinion” shut-up. (Maybe DePauw University President Dr. Robert Bottoms is close enough? He said “it has become clear that the values of DePauw University and those of the Delta Zeta National Sorority are incompatible”… as he kicked them off the campus.)
The “this doesn’t concern you” shut-up. (As the father of a daughter who has to grow up in a world of unrealistic body standards and often asinine gender expectations, it actually concerns me a hell of a lot.)
And the old “there are more important things happening in the world” shut-up. (You say this is too frivolous to merit media attention… yet you seem to think your sorority’s reputation is important enough to expend time and energy defending it, when you could be pressing for action on those wars and genocides.)
The fact is, I debated a long time with myself about posting this. Was it worth the time to write it? The energy to dig around on the Delta Zeta site to read their side of the story?
And then I thought about the cruelty of social exclusion, the vulnerability of young people, and the viciousness that people wield in separating the cool from the uncool, the pretty from the plain and the in from the out.
And I started typing.
But you’re welcome to comment again, “get a life”‘s and all. I won’t kick you off… or, as your sisters in the national office would put it, “promoting to alumnae status”. I’d particularly like to know what the media has gotten wrong — not what you haven’t liked hearing, but what facts they’ve misreported.
I and many of the women in my family have belonged to sororities. Only my daughter and her cousin pledged the same sorority, but at different universities. In the chapter I joined in 1971 and the chapter my daughter joined in 2003, there were young women of a variety of sizes, shapes, abilities, interests, and personalties. Being in a diverse house is great preparation for the world in general. Many Greek organizations are coming to realize this, and to realize that things like “image” and “hazing” are outdated and inappropriate. (One of my huge reasons for the choice I made in 1971 was that the particular national organization I was interested in pledging had totally banned all forms of hazing. ALL forms.) I am so happy none of us joined Delta Zeta, and not just because of this event. This event is just further evidence of how DZ functions. [Two sentences deleted. –rob] If I were a DZ alum, I’d be ashamed. Also, the 6 girls who quit voluntarily to support their friends TRULY need to be applauded. The 23 were put on alum status. The 6 who quit actually “deactivated,” and they forfeited alumnae status. That took guts and sacrifice. Now THAT’S sisterhood, and something DZ nationals needs to consider. Seems the ones they lost were the ones who understood what it meant to be a “sister.” Many a shrinking chapter across the nation has rebuilt their numbers successfully without this sort of abuse. Shame on DZ.
Betsy, I’m sorry to have had to edit your comment. I welcome your perspective, but I have to remove serious allegations if they aren’t backed by evidence or if I can’t quickly verify them.
I think that it demonstrates a lack of understanding of the realities of national sororities to assume that the poor decisions of one chapter reflect the values of the national organization. Chapters vary across all college campuses, and though stereotypes are crude, if you had taken the time to get a full picture of Greek organizations across the country, i doubt you would be so hasty to denigrate Delta Zeta as a national organization. This is a claim that you are not close enough to the event to recognize the facts, but that you are clearly sorely uninformed as to the function of Greek life, and hence have decided that a chapter represents the values of an entire national organization comprised of 158 separate chapters. As for your self righteous declaration of Delta Zeta Nationals commitment to standing by their chapters no matter the poor decisions, the idea that nationals is attempting to “muzzle” the story and is in agreement with the horrible recuitment decisions made by the Delta chapter. The journalistic way to consider this would be to acknowledge that their silence in the face of this scandal is not a denial of responsibility but the way an organization linked by loyalty avoids cutting ties with a chapter by publicly humiliating them, no matter how they don’t agree with the events. Furthermore, it is unfair to lump all sororities together based on one chapter on one campus of one sorority. Sororities are just all copies of the same cloth with no distinguishable characteristics. Sororities are not something to be warned against as your sensationalist attitude claims, but supportive networks of women, linked by common values and loyalty that can not possibly be understood by someone on the outside. Sisterhood is often looked over by those on the outside of the sorority system, but it is the mainstay and what links women from who knows how many backgrounds together forever. I am sorry if you feel that the Delta chapter of Delta Zeta has failed you personally, and I know that their recruitment tactics are hardly defensible. However, I know for certain that this is not how proper recruitment is done, nor would you find that Delta Zeta as an organization would condone or advise this type of strategy. Using your blog to urge women to spurn something which can be so meaningful and amazing in their lives is hardly a worthy piece of writing, except to use the lines to increase Google hits. Greek life is NOT about classifying people, no matter what the dramatized popular opinion of non-Greeks is. It is NOT about social exclusion or viciousness or any of the ignorance inspired insults you chose to hurl around. It is about finding commonalities while accepting the differences, trust, loyalty, philanthropy, respect of self and others, and most importantly love. If you want to be more credible to a more aware reader base, facts should be checked much more thoroughly.
Please, for the next time, before you use one incident to spur on a witch hunt based on generalization, especially when you’re throwing around accusations of discrimination, recognize that your argument is itself based on more discrimination and personal prejudice than on specific facts.
Jo, I know first-hand that it can be terribly painful when an organization you love comes under fire. But if you honestly believe that “the journalistic way” is to spin something the way you want it spun, you have a promising future in politics – but outside of Fox News, you won’t find a lot of agreement with journalists.
I would have thought the first duty of a national organization isn’t to defend the decisions of a chapter, no matter how horrible (your word) or hardly defensible (again, your words), but to uphold the values of the organization. And I would have thought that the principles of sisterhood would put righting an injustice against one’s members ahead of closing ranks around the wrongdoers.
And Delta Zeta’s national leadership didn’t content itself with a simple statement of support for the chapter. They smeared the motives of the women who had been ejected. (You do exactly the same thing when you suggest my motive in writing this post was to garner Google hits.) And that’s what I found especially objectionable about the national organization’s response – as apparently did DePauw University’s president.
But it’s easier to attack legitimate criticism than to address it, and it’s easier to go on at length about the lofty ideals of an organization than to actually live them – and apply them when it means difficult self-searching.
Two and a half years later, I stand by every word of the post.
I understand what happened at that university was completely unfair and totally unacceptable. However, I don’t agree with your one-sided beliefs of Delta Zeta. Honestly it is unfortunate how ignorant you are being about this. I don’t know if you realize this, but every chapter across the country is different. Every chapter differs in popularity, size, and reputation. I am an active member of DZ in a smaller mid-western school. I love everything about my sorority and firmly believe that we have the best sisterhood on campus. I know almost everyone and we all get along so well even though we are diverse and include a wide variety of girls (in both personality and looks). At my school were known as the “fraternity of sororities” because we all joke around like guys and are definitely not typical sorority girls. So what I am saying is that you shouldn’t discredit our entire sorority because of one chapter’s mistakes.
Rachel, as reassuring as you may find it to try to make this only about a single chapter, you’re conveniently ignoring the way the national organization – which does represent the entire sorority – responded. That’s what most of this post is about.
Sir, you seem very opposed to Greek life. Dare I presume that you were not chosen to join a group and thus have your own bias to Greek life? Grasping any negative reporting and taking that public as a sign that all Greek chapters and groups act as one chapter has behaved? I know a lot of Delta Zeta’s, Chi Omega’s, Phi Mu’s, Tri Sigma’s, Alpha Phi’s, Alpha Gamma Delta’s…the list can go on. Each campus, while conducting “rush” handles their choosing of new members differently than the others on the same campus, and other chapters in the country. One campus may have a group that is predominately a certain religion, while another has athletes. One group I have friends associated with, have their Alumni choose who will be offered membership, NOT active undergrads. So you see sir, your focus on one group, that received some bad press, which you have taken on as some sort of personal mission to deter young women from affiliating with the group, is ill informed and lacking in any level of professionalism. I suggest you move past your rejections from your youth and Collegiate years and focus on real issues that affect society: gang recruitment, drug use and sales, human trafficking and the like. And before you try and discount my response and call anything “muzzling”, you should reflect upon your own responses to others. You discount comments as unworthy. I appreciate your reporting of the event, and yes that chapter lost its charter at that time. But suggesting that ALL Delta Zeta’s or any sorority are not worthy of a young women’s time and attention shows your inability to look past that which is in front of you (forest for the trees). There are many groups, athletic, Greek, Roman, etc that have issues. It’s sad this chapter lost sight of what a Sorority is, philanthropy. Yet there are many, many more that hold that near and dear and you trying to stop people from participating is just sad. The school didn’t get rid of all Greek groups, so many did conduct themselves appropriately. The same Sorority has not consistently popped up in other reports to give the impression that the behavior at DePauw is isolated. You honestly need to provide more objective information if you want to call yourself a fair reporter, not just an isolated event.
(Heh — I approved Emily’s comment and in the hullabaloo of the end of last year promptly forgot about it.)
First, as to trying to minimize this as one chapter’s wayward drift: what that chapter did was appalling. And what the national organization did in response was just as awful. (Not to mention that this post is just about entirely about that national response.)
But more to the point: no, Emily, I’ve never applied to a frat: as far as I know, there was never one operating at either of the universities I attended while I was there. But I’m intrigued that you apparently think the only reason I’d be anything but admiring of sororities and fraternities is that I’d been rejected by one.
So no, I’ve never been associated with a fraternity… but I do know cliques. I’ve been outside them and, in shameful retrospect, inside them.
And one of the ways a clique succeeds is if its members believe that belonging to one is a prized aspiration: not only among its members, but those outside. To the extent that exclusion from the clique causes pain and resentment, group membership is that much more valuable — and the threat of losing that membership takes on greater power. It’s one of the reasons members come to believe that clique is above criticism.
The upshot: members of a clique can’t imagine that people wouldn’t want to be part of it, and can’t imagine that any criticism of it would be well-founded. And that gives them an easy, lazy out when they’re confronted with criticism: dismiss it as sour grapes and resentment.
Sound at all familiar?