Another Apple event has come and gone, and this time I decided to try my hand at some high-octane prognosticating.
I was less than entirely successful.
But unlike some pundits, I’m willing to cop to having a near-100% inaccuracy rate.
What I got right
Very, very, very little.
CONFIRMED: Owing to piano wire shortage, first rev of new Apple watch will NOT ship with iGarrote. Orient Express tie-in promo also nixed.
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 8, 2014
What I got wrong
CONFIRMED: Apple to unveil iPhone with 47-foot diagonal screen and breakfast nook
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 8, 2014
CONFIRMED: Apple to release NINE new iPhones with 4.7”, 4.8”, 4.9”, 5.0”, 5.1”, 5.2”, 5.3”, 5.4” and 5.5” screens.
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 8, 2014
CONFIRMED: Apple to unveil new iPad Micro with 4” display and— waaaaait a minute. That’s an iPhone 5.
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 8, 2014
CONFIRMED: Apple will launch a watch tomorrow. Just a watch. Analog, wind-up. No day and date, no second hand. But it'll be pretty.
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
My unhelpful commentary
As always, readers looking for incisive, nimble insights into the impact of Apple’s announcements looked, quite wisely, elsewhere.
That said, I was hamstrung by the livestream, which kept stalling and hiccuping.
So far, I’ve learned that App new iPhon oto-aligne 0x1080 #applelive
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
To help others in the same boat, I did the equivalent of handing out Bible tracts at a movie lineup.
If your livestream is as stalled as mine is, you might like a cartoon. Here. http://t.co/SPBn2xF1y8 #applelive
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
Still stalling out at my end. Here's another cartoon to tide you over. #applelive pic.twitter.com/z8Ke3NfSni
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
"We will tweet one cartoon every minute until our demands are met or the livestream stops stalling." #applelive pic.twitter.com/ncmLfJMaGt
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
Still glitching, so here's a cartoon from the vaults. Makes me a little wistful. #applelive pic.twitter.com/snFKXvLn2y
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
Another #AppleLive glitch, another Apple cartoon from the vault. pic.twitter.com/iCgSPEbYRF
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
#AppleLive better start working soon. I'm running out of cartoons. That said,… pic.twitter.com/TJfIzB7F5f
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
We had a good glitchless run there, but we're stalled again. Have a cartoon to munch on. #Applelive pic.twitter.com/vKdpUAO2QV
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
Hope these are some small consolation for the #applelive glitches. Another cartoon… pic.twitter.com/KcHhnnvRIv
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
Your latest #Applelive #glitchtoon (it was from the iPhone 5 launch)… pic.twitter.com/7x1WlzfvBm
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
Here's that "one more thing" we're all expecting. (Another #applelive #glitchtoon) pic.twitter.com/QEWQdiibTD
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
One more cartoon to read during the #applelive glitches: the new iPhones are cool, but here's one thing they can't do pic.twitter.com/BzQJwMUArs
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
Eventually, whatever rodent had been gnawing its way through Apple’s router room finally bit the wrong cable and died in a shower of sparks and fur, and I was able to catch enough to offer these observations:
The iPhone’s NFC chip can detect when you're looking at a friend's Android phone and use Apple Watch to give you a painful shock. #applelive
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
“‘Force touch’? Dammit – that would have been so much better than ‘enhanced interrogation.” – Dick Cheney #applelive
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
“It’s amazing what you can do from your wrist.” – Tim Cook raises eyebrows across the Internet. #applelive
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
iDontGetMyCallsToTimCookReturnedAnyMore MT @Pogue: All the new stuff today is "Apple Pay," "Apple Watch," etc. Is the era of i-Name over?
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
And if you download Nickelback’s new album, iTunes pays YOU, amirite? #applelive
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
@Pogue #AppleLive #poorletteri pic.twitter.com/U1nOnORyMK
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
Revised my "Apple drops the 'i' from its new products" cartoon. Q. Why is the 'i' red? A. It's been crying. #rimshot pic.twitter.com/Pgr0DVv0Zn
— Rob Cottingham (@RobCottingham) September 9, 2014
There. Now you’re completely caught up.
