Things you may be marking yourself safe from

• The dog farting in the corner
• The zeitgeist
• Any interest in watching that Matt Rife special
• The imminent collapse of democra—… oops, spoke too soon
• Seeing that once-in-a-lifetime celestial event, because you live in Vancouver and it clouded over of course
• Excessive climate stability
• Any obligation to be on Twitter any more
• As of July, crows divebombing you during nesting season
• Just (waves at everything)
• Your nemesis… although defeating them took far more than you had ever bargained for, costing all you truly valued and taking you past every moral and ethical line that defined you, turning you into this dark, shattered hull of a person; and only now do you see it was just a silly misunderstanding you could have cleared up by picking up the phone. Oh, well, live and learn.